2003-02-22 - 10:17 p.m.

i keep having dreams about this girl, and we're always on a train -- a holocaust transport or something. there are always guards, and other people crammed into the trains, and people crying. and this girl -- she's got dark dark shiny hair and pale luminous skin. she always looks so femininely solemn and she has a beautiful low voice. and she is in love with me. everything in the dreams is always so dark, but her eyes reflect seemingly sourceless light. waking up after these dreams, i always try to grasp at the wisps of them, to pull myself back into her presence. she is completely unlike anyone i've ever met, but i feel so vividly a deep sense of connection to her. for days after each dream i think about her and i miss her as much as i've ever missed any real person. i think i would do anything to have her in my waking life, but it's completely impossible.

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