2004-04-10 - 1:06 a.m.

okay, so even though i have that livejournal, it just doesn't feel like home. having to actually navigate to the diaryland website to update makes me feel sort of like i'm going somewhere to talk to someone. which is really sad and pathetic. i would really much rather actually go somewhere to actually talk to someone. sigh. one day i'll work up the nerve to go to the feve alone.

i could go to a party but i would feel just as terrible as i am now, and unless i could find someone to sleep with me (highly unlikely, even more unlikely that it would be someone i actually wanted to be with, even more unlikely that it wouldn't be painfully embarassing later) i would end up alone at some point tonight anyway. why postpone the inevitable?

i feel worse than i have in years, though. pressing inexorably down. cheesey, childish, but true. so sue me. i can't stop listening to ryan adams, although i know it's bad for me. one thing more depressing than listening to ryan adams at a time like this: the prospect of listening to anything upbeat or even neutral.

apparently jeff tweedy is in rehab. he got addicted to painkillers because of his terrible migraines.

i keep getting scared when things go bump in the night. even though i know that the thing going bump is the guy who lives above me jerking off.

"i can see the sand; it's running out" -uncle tupelo

one step forward - one step back